


Melt Away

by Stagcore



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Hurt Magnus Bane, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-11-03 18:49:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17883314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stagcore/pseuds/Stagcore
Summary: Small, sweet little fic based on a prompt from tumblr :)





	Melt Away

There are days like this that come and go just like the sea comes and goes from the sand where his hands shake and his breath gets stuck in his throat. The apartment is too small or too big for him and he feels so lost like a piece of driftwood in the middle of the churning ocean gasping and fighting for every breath. He knows what it's called but he can't bring himself to speak it even though he knows deep down that there is nothing to be ashamed of. He's struggling, it's very common for those who have lived a troublesome life to struggle from time to time. 

He's not sure when it started but he's pretty sure this deep seated feeling has resided in his bones for pretty much the last 100 years and nothing seems to sooth it for long. Not even when he gets all his makeup out and paints his face with such elegant blues and reds and greens. A mask to add to the armour. Not when he walks into a room knowing he's the most extravagantly dressed one there armed with sass and sarcasm against racist or homophobic comments or 'jokes'. When did existing get so tiring?

So Magnus takes a deep breath and tries to steady his breathing. That doesn't last long and ends in a string of imaginative curses when he smudges his nails for the tenth time. His hands are still shaking and Magnus wonders if they will ever stop. Come to think of it, has there ever been a time when his hands haven't shook? They were shaking when he found his mother's lifeless body, her white gown making a beautiful but sickening contrast with the red blood that had bloomed from the wound. They had shook when he stood upon the railings of the Blackfriars bridge. They were shaking then and they are shaking now. 

Magnus tenses when he feels familiar arms wrap an arm around his shoulders. They're warm and soft just like the lips that press against the side of his face and he melts into the touch. _Alexander_

Humming a little as Alec presses small, butterfly kisses to the crinkles near his eyes, his hairline, his neck he tries to let go of the feeling of dread.

"I love you," Alec whispers in his ear, sending shivers running up and down his spine

"I love you too." He smiles and turns to kiss his boyfriend, forgetting the smudged nail polish and fearful, tight feeling. 

He knows in his heart that he will be okay

He always is.


End file.
